Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
