I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
