I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
