The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
