I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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