its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
