I showed him my bush... on skype.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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