I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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