He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
