I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
