oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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