yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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