forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
