marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
