I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
