I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
