I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
