I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
