toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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