Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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