just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
