you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
