Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
