just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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