Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
