I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
