Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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