if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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