just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
