Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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