Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
