nut hugger
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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