Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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