When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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