It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
