Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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