I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's Friday. Sex?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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