we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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