If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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