He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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