so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
