I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
