i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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