You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
