I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
