Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
