If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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