My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Houston, we have a squirter
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
