'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
