dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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