i think my tv is drunk
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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