In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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