I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
