My friends, they love my intelligence
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
