i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
