so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
