How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
