My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
