Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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