I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
