I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i think i just lost a toe
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
