I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
