Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
