Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
